“Even if the Healing Doesn’t Come” by Kutless
I know that God is the healer and could cure me of PCOS at
any moment if it was part of His plan. I
truly do believe that. I know that we
serve a God who can do anything, but that everything He does is part of His
perfect plan.
Sometimes I listen to
this song and think, you know, God is God
and I will praise Him even if the
healing doesn’t come. But, if I am to be
honest, I would have to admit that probably half of the time when I really
dwell on this, I don’t know that I would be able to accept it if it was not in
God’s plan to make me a mom.
Will keeps challenging me to wrestle with this. I say that I know that God has given both of
us talents that we would use as parents and I strongly believe that God does not
give us talents to be wasted. Through
this logic, I convince myself that it is definitely part of God’s plan to call
us to be parents. Until Will comes back
with the very valid point that yes, while being a mom is a great way to use
those talents, I am also using many of those same talents in teaching and other
ways so, no, I’m not wasting them by not being a mom.
I know that I often make this desire to have children an
idol in my life. When I ask myself, Is God enough for me?, I am sometimes
able to say, Yes, God is enough and I
will praise Him no matter what. I can be
joyful just praising my King in whatever circumstances He places me in. But sometimes, there are days when I think, No, God is not enough. I want, no, I need, to be a mom. I want to raise our children to know and love
this awesome God I serve.
I know that God still has so much to teach me and I feel
honored that He has given me the opportunity to write this blog and open up
about the many blessings He has given me.
He is able to get glory from me even though I am far from perfect. As much as I wish I wasn’t on this journey,
God is teaching me how much I need to rely on Him instead of on my own
strength.
As Kutless so aptly says it, Father, you know that my Dreams are still undone. You are God, you are good, forever faithful
one. Even if the healing doesn’t come.
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