While I'm Waiting

I think God is nudging me.  I haven't heard the song that is the name sake for this blog on the radio in months and the last 3 days I have heard it every day on the radio.  I guess God wants me to listen to the lyrics of the song that I have chosen to name this blog after. ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bb7TSGptd3Y ) This is the first time I have sat down to write a blog entry without a clear direction in mind, but here it goes...

Today in class we had a great discussion about when God tells us "no" or "not yet" or "I love you too much to give you that".  Obviously, I didn't give the example of infertility in my life, but I did talk about the first time I applied to teach at Whitefield and the answer was, "not yet".  Through that experience, I was able to meet many great friends at KCSMA, but I was so glad the following year when I re-applied and God's answer was "Yes!  This IS where I am calling you now!"  Several students were disappointed in class today because they didn't win the "Math Olympics" for 5th grade.  We discussed how disappointment is important to learning that, no, we're not able to do these good things on our own so when we do succeed in something it is only by the grace of God.

It hurts because I want to be pregnant so much.  I want my body to work on its own the way it's supposed to.  In my head, I know that God's plan is better than mine and I can explain all of the theology behind that to my 5th graders. I know that we are called to worship our Lord even if we’re not in the circumstance we would choose to be in.  Slowly, He is teaching my heart to have patience and worship while I’m waiting.  There are still days where I am overcome by sadness, but there are other days when I can laugh because even though this is so far from where I imagined I would be in life right now, God still gives me joy.  My prayer truly is that I will be able to worship while I’m waiting, even if it’s not where I would choose to be.  Of course, I keep praying that soon I will be able to worship God in the journey of motherhood and I thank everyone who joins me in that prayer.  Also, I would like to tell those of you who have confided in me that you share that same desire, I am praying for your family as well.