Stupid Schedules

                There, I said it.  Something negative.  While there have been many joyous moments when I have been able to share God’s word, this journey has also had its fair share of frustrating moments.  The one that has been driving me crazy recently is how I feel this has taken over our life.  Will and I talk all the time about where to draw the line between making this our first priority, but also still living our life and enjoying where we are now.  For example, we had the opportunity to go to the beach for two weeks this summer and celebrate my sister-in-law’s wedding.  It was a great trip and we are glad we spent that quality time with his family, but that meant a cycle when we couldn’t be home to go to doctor appointments.  Something else I love doing in the summer is being part of the leadership team at an amazing all girls summer camp.  Graciously, they were able to work with me, but I hate being the “problem maker” who feels like I am always the one asking for special treatment.  Especially when it comes to this subject.  I am about to go back to school for the fall semester.  I know doctor appointments are important, but I would like to be able to just be at school and not have so many things to plan around.  I want to be dependable and helpful, not the one always asking for special treatment but never being fully comfortable explaining the reasoning. 

                I am a scheduler.  My husband would say, in fact, that I over-schedule things.  Well, it’s hard to do that with PCOS and not knowing when my next cycle will start and when I have to drop everything to schedule a doctor appointment on day 2 and again on day 11.  I try to count out days to figure out when things will be happening, but the fact is it never seems to happen like I expect.  On top of scheduling around my body, sometimes I just feel like an emotional wreck and just want to stay home. 

While I do say all of this to vent a little, my main goal is I want to put it out there.  I know I am difficult to plan around right now and I am sorry.  I appreciate my wonderful employers, co-workers, family, and friends who are patient with me when I go back and forth and change plans or reschedule. 

Proverbs 17:17 says, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.”  I always thought this was a nice saying to hang on a bulletin board or sign on a card.  Now I am experiencing what it actually means.  I don’t like to be complicated or high maintenance, but God has surrounded us with wonderful friends and brothers who have wrapped us in love.  I am sorry for the times in the past when I have to change plans or cancel all together, often without giving a thorough reason.  I am also sorry for the times to come in the future, but please know that even though I don’t always feel like talking through every little personal detail, I appreciate your understanding more than I can ever say. 

I thank God every day for the wonderful and understanding husband He has blessed me with, but I also think Him for our amazing and Godly employers, co-workers, friends, and family who surround us with love and understanding, even when I don’t feel up to the task of explaining.  Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.